I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
