A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
