why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Randomize
