dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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