there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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