I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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