i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
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He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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