Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
