i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
