my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
