Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
