I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
