He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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