Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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