I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
