she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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