I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
