so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
