I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
