i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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