You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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