the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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