Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
