Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
