he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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