Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
