remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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