im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
