you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
