Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
