I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
