I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
