I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
