I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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