Got a toothbrush?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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