Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
