I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
