just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
