My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
