He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
