he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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