were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I am available for nakedness
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
