I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
