I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
