I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
