Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
