My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
