I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i believe in u and ur pee
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
