bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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