You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
