i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
