Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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