The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
