Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
