I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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