Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
how does that bad decision feel?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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