girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
