He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Floor bacon is actually really good
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
