When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
