I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
