We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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