I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...