Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
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There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
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My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.