We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
